Category Archives: Parenting

Controversy Within

Suffering in Ignorance

For all of my adult life, I have dealt with the frustrating effects of ADHD. Most depressing of all was that I didn’t KNOW I had ADHD until I was over 40 years old.

I have tried so hard to do my best and failed for as long as I can remember. Disorganization and forgetfulness was frustrating to those around me. They thought I was lazy. I was having a really difficult time trying to decide weather they were right, or if there was a reason that I couldn’t change it, no matter how hard I tried.

Epiphany

A situation that could have easily cause our house to burn down opened my eyes to the realization that this wasn’t just disorganization, forgetfulness, and down-right laziness as I really was beginning to believed. Standing in the kitchen cooking dinner, I heard my toddler in the bathroom calling out to me because he needed my help. I walked into the bathroom/laundry room to help my little guy out and the next thing I knew, I was folding laundry that had just finished drying, dinner long forgotten. The realization of what had happened cause a complete meltdown. I couldn’t take it any more. I was trying so hard and and still, I was failing those I loved the most.

Time for Action

I started doing research, starting with the book Driven to Driven to Distraction (Revised): Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Was this guy reading my mind? Almost everything he said described me to a tee.

I visited my doctor and for many years, I was on non-narcotic prescription drugs for ADHD. Organization was still an issue, as did focus. Life became more manageable, however, and my stress level went down significantly.

Sometimes Surviving is Not Enough

Recently, I had a major career change. I loved this new job. However, I quickly discovered that the prescription I was on was not doing enough. The demands of a corporate job required more focus than the medication was providing. I felt like I was drowning. And my new manager (Let’s call her Kathy) was working with the assumption that I had a normal brain. Ha! So was I, for that matter. I began to worried the relationship was going to be difficult and challenging.

New Information

During a conversation with a friend who also suffers with ADHD, she told me that she was taking a time-released prescription amphetamine. I began doing more research. I read some information online, watched some documentaries, and talked it over with my husband.

After much internal turmoil over the issue, and having weighed the pro’s and cons, I went back to my doctor. With her advisement I decided it was time to try this avenue with the hope that it would allow me to be productive to my fullest potential at the new job.

A Coach Makes All the Difference

My doctor started me off with the smallest dose and gradually increased it over the next new months. I decided it was time to sit down and have a discussion with Kathy. I told her everything; about the ADHD, my struggles with keeping my head above water, and the decision my doctor and I had made.

That was all it took. This amazing woman started working with me to find a system that would help me in staying organized and keeping track of things. She has been very instrumental in helping me. I appreciate her immensely.

For the first time, I felt like a fog had lifted; one that I had never know existed! I believe the drug was the second important component in changing my life. The first, and most effective was an incredible person that God brought into my life.

I have seen it stated repeatedly that having a life coach is very important to the success of someone with ADD or ADHD. If you truly love someone with ADHD, there is a way you can help. I am not telling you to enable them. This is not an excuse to justify their issues. They have to genuinely WANT to change. In my case, I did want to change. I just didn’t know where to find a coach.

Natural is Always Better

I want to make it clear; my hope is to stop taking all prescription drugs at some point. If you are just starting your journey (for yourself or with someone you love), I hope you are able to start with a natural course of treatment and find a good coach. I really believe a great coach (Thank you, Kathy. Your an angel!) is the most crucial piece of the puzzle.

Consult your doctor. Make an educated decision that’s best for you. Don’t try to figure this out alone and suffer in silence. I hope you find success. I pray for an end to your frustration. Its time to reach out and let someone help.

Those that were close to me were often unable to help. They were too close to the situation. Frustration, anger, impatience, and resentment will have no place in the coaching process. There are many books and resources out there for coaches. I am sure that Google and Amazon have a lot to offer on the subject. 🙂

Lord,

Please be with your dear child who is reading this blog post. Open the doors and give them the tools that they need to find the peace and support that they need.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Education is the Answer

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….AND our relationships!

EDUCATION MATTERS WHEN IT COMES TO ADHD

Education is not just for school or job advancement. It is absolutely critical to everyday life. Through conversations in my everyday life, books, YouTube videos, websites, documentaries, I learn new things every day.

When you or someone in your home struggles with ADHD, it is up to all parties involved to become part of the solution instead of remaining part of the problem. And in most situations, it will have to start with the person or people who DON’T have the disorder. No matter what you believe about ADHD, I am telling you that it is physically, mentally, and emotionally outside of the realm of possibility for the person who had ADHD. It isn’t a matter of unwillingness, but in a lot of cases not being aware.

RESOURCES

One book I found very useful when I first started to realize that this was my issue was “Driven from Distraction” by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey. It is very insightful. Another suggestion I have for you is to find someone else who is also living with ADHD, but from the opposite side from where you are. If you HAVE it find someone else who is LIVING with someone who has it, and visa versa. I have had the opportunity to interact with two people so far in exactly that capacity. I have been told by both that it helped them a lot to hear me explain what it was like to suffer from it. And it did help me to hear from them as well.

BOTH SIDES SUMMARIZED

For the person afflicted, it can be extremely frustrating and very often depressing. (ADHD Is Not My Fault — But It Still Makes Me Feel Like a Failure) They are most likely down on themselves a great deal of time because they feel like there is something wrong with them. This is exacerbated but the fact that those around them are also frustrated with them. It is a double whammy. They are desperate to fix it but they feel utterly helpless to do so. They often build up resentment toward others for being completely unsympathetic, cold, and judgmental.

The person living with the afflicted see the ADHD sufferer as lazy, disorganized and often narcissistic. They are frustrated that they are constantly having to pick up the pieces and do more of the work because they are getting very little help. The too, often grow to resent the other person for all of these thing.

MAKING IT BETTER

The solution is for YOU to start educating yourself as much as possible. And by you I mean whomever is reading this article. Whichever side of this issue you are on, you are the one who cares enough to be seeking information. YOU need to be the first one to break the cycle.  Nothing will change without someone taking the first step to bring education to the situation.