Impartiality is one of the character traits that God has given me and continues to hone as I get older. Sometimes this causes people that I love very much to feel like I don’t have their back, so to speak. That is never my intent. Being impartial, to me, simply means being on GOD’s side. The side of truth.

Being impartial when the situation is personal and emotions are running high is much more difficult than when we are a third party. But this is when it is most crucial to step back and look at the situation as objectively as possible.

No matter how scared, angry, bitter, offended, hurt (or any other words you can come up with) we feel, attempting to  CONTROL  the outcome of a situation is futile. We need to let it go. The only thing we can do is INFLUENCE the outcome. And if we are not careful, we can have the polar opposite influence from the one we intended.

Let’s face it. No matter what we believe, where we live, what our profession, what season of life we are in; we DO NOT like to be told what to do. We do, however, have no problem telling other people what to do. Sometimes, the reason we do this is simply because we want something. We are thinking about ourselves. Sometimes, however, it is because we care about them. We see them teetering on the edge of a disaster. We will do whatever it takes to “talk them off the edge” and keep them from making what we perceive as a terrible mistake.

Would we REALLY do whatever it takes to protect them, though? Its easy to say “yes”. But what if it takes trusting God. What if it takes praying for His will?  What if the best thing we can do for them is to love them, without trying to control their decisions? What if….we need to wait at the bottom of the ravine  with open arms to catch them if they fall, instead of standing behind them up on the ledge, saying or doing something that may cause them to back away from us and over the edge we are trying so desperately to protect them from.

If we want to be a good influence on the outcome of a situation, the first thing we need to do is to separate emotion from truth.  Take a deep breath. Maybe two, or three. Try to put ourselves in their shoes. This doesn’t mean that we start thinking, “If I were in that situation, I would….”. They are not us. They do  not think like us. They do not have the same life experiences. We have to instead consider,  “If I were their age, and had their personality, and possibly been through whatever they have been through, I would….”

We need to listen more than we talk, ask questions that cause them to think a little deeper, and keep our advice to ourselves unless it is asked for. We have to let go of the feeling that we need to CONTROL the situation. 

I am learning that the better we get at taking this approach, the more the ones we love will actually seek out our advice. No, they won’t always take it. They won’t always agree. But they will be much more likely to let us in and respect what we have to say. And the best part of it all is that our relationships grow to a closeness we never thought was possible.

 

My youngest daughter has just finished her first year at college. She and her boyfriend love to spend time at the gym and hang out with friends afterward. Unfortunately, due to his work schedule, they don’t usually get to the gym until after nine o’clock at night. Being a mom, it is difficult for me to fall asleep before she is home. I do usually manage somehow, to get some z’s before she gets home. She is very respectful and TRIES to remember to text me and keep me posted.

One night recently, however, did not go so smoothly. I had friends over and we talking about blogging, faith, and life in general. It was a great evening. When my husband and I went to bed that night, he asked me where our daughter was, which surprised me because I thought she was home. I texted her to ask where she was. After an hour with no reply, I texted again.

I was getting a little impatient. It as now 1:09 AM, so I sent her the “mom’s frustrated” text. This is the one where I type each letter of their name as a separate tet and finish it off with at least one text consisting of only an exclamation point.

I finally came out to the living room to look out to see if her car was here. Nope. I called and texted her boyfriend and when he finally answered, he said that she was not with him. He said it was strange that she wasn’t home because she had been home when she was texting him before they both fell asleep last night.

Epiphany

Then it hit me. I opened the door and actually stepped outside to look for her car. Just beyond the spot she normally parks was her car. Her usual spot had been occupied by our friends’ car early when she got home from work.

After apologizing profusely to her boyfriend for waking him up, we were able to laugh about the mishap.

When I got up and read these texts it is pretty easy to giggle. 😉

Worry

I don’t panic often, and worry very infrequently. This wasn’t always the case. When I was younger I would constantly let my mind dwell on the “what if’s”. I focused on my trust of people and my fear for their safety.

In hind sight, I find my worry almost as comical as the situation described above. One of my favorite Bible verses asks the question (and I am paraphrasing here), “Really Amy? Exactly how many times has your worrying had any impact on ANYTHING? Except maybe the addition of that wonderful ulcer you had back in your twenties!” OK, so maybe that was more than just paraphrasing. You can read the ACTUAL verse that brought that thought to mind at the bottom of this post. See if you can guess which one it was. 😉

What was even more comical? I believed I could keep my loved ones safe As IF! If I couldn’t be with them, worrying was the next best thing. Right?

Maybe it is totally possible for someone without faith in the Savior that I have found, and who now dwells deep in the core of my being, to concur worry and fear. However, it is impossible for me to understand how.

I think maybe the situation that happened that night with my daughter was God reminding me that worry is fruitless.

Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me to keep my eyes on you. Thank you for being my Savior and giving me peace of mind, and allowing me to trust that you and only you hold the future in your hands. That even through the trials and life-altering situations in life, you have a much better future planned than I could even imagine.

Bible Verses Addressing Worry

Obtained from Biblegateway.com

Matthew 6:27 New International Version (NIV)

²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Matthew 6:25-34 New International Version (NIV)

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.